But more often than sometimes, it is more like a war that you fight all alone. You will feel stranded, separated from the rest of the world. The weight gets heavier and heavier and it gets harder to breathe with time. Eventually, as the smothering gets severe, the worst case scenario is that you might feel like killing yourself, so that you could put an end to all the misery and desolation. At that juncture, no thought about life can please you. It is a very dark place. It is where suicides happen.
It is very hard to find the words of consolation or reassurance that can make you step back once you’ve reached that point. There is no coming back from there because your mind goes into a blur and the physical pain of death won’t even seem to be much of a matter to you anymore. But before you decide to choke or bleed to death, do some crying until you feel some of the weight lifted off your chest. Hug your pillow while crying, if that makes you feel less lonely. As you get tired, convince yourself, “Get some sleep. Things might feel different in the morning”. Your mind will yield to even a hazy shred of hope in that state of utter hopelessness. Postpone the act of suicide and sleep through the hours of the night to reach the morning.
When you wake up, your whole system will reboot and your spirit will feel a bit more alleviated. The lush of the morning will give you a change of heart. Life won’t seem as depressing, and you will be able to see clearer into the possibilities it has to offer. You’ll feel glad that you didn’t kill yourself the other night. Push yourself to sleep a lot when you’re having suicidal thoughts, sleep can reset your mind and can really tone down the intensity of the feeling and eventually you will be able to deal with it.
Sleep can give you the absolution you expect out of suicide with time.
Trust me. Continue with this routine and you will heal in some time.
So my friend, the magic words are,
“Survive the night and you’ll be reborn in the morning”,
Tell that to yourself every time your mind convinces you to end your life.
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