I was dreaming of vampires existing in 2020 and the bats gave us a shitty line-up of micro-vampires. Not cool at all!

Here’s my ‘how to pose like a model’ starter pack –

1. Don’t smile or laugh or do anything of that kind. Then you’ll be relatable and more human and people will consider you one amongst them. We don’t want that. You need to have an exotic and ravishing aesthetic dominance to appear as alien and as tantalizing as possible. To accomplish this, you could begin by trying to part your lips before the camera slightly but without even the slightest curve, killing all the emotions in the happiness spectrum that can go on over there, as much until you see yourself in a cold, tough but alluring demeanour. Your manner should indicate that you’re apathetic and have zero insecurities, so that everyone looking will be compelled to fawn over and be dazzled by your casual but solid confidence.

2. The eyes are poetically described to be the windows to the soul. So make sure you have your drapes on. No one needs to know your vulnerabilities and troubles and know the mess that you are like everyone else. That’d be such a turn off. So be withdrawn and not be present and act like you don’t give a damn about this photoshoot or anything at all in life and that you’re only here for the lack of a better choice, and it will bring into your eyes an eclectic mix of seductive, dead-on-the-inside and too-cool-to-care persona that’d inform that they’re immune, wise and beyond the ordinary and all that jazz.

You could ask me, “Hey Shane, these attributes creepishly go well with that of a zombie”. Yes, exactly. Except that zombies are gross and nagging to feed all the time and that would put a dent on the seductive and too-cool-to-care factor. So imagine a chill-minded, hot-looking zombie, well-dressed or eccentrically dressed as opposed to rags if you will to paint the picture for you.

– Shane

#fun #humour #writeupcomedy