Passion

Passion

You are you for a reason. Don’t fight it. Embrace it. Every human being is built with a different structure, and have
inherent affinities to different things. When your soul tells you that this is what it loves, allow it to go after it, because the happiness that comes through that is rare and cannot be
replaced by anything else. If you’re passionate towards something but you think that you don’t have what it takes, it’s fine. When you love something so much, you’ll surely get better than most at it, even if you suck at it now. Because, there is a thing about the human soul – it never gets exhausted chasing what it loves. It will show you what you are capable of. Don’t hold it with a leash. Let it wander. Don’t worry that you’ll get lost, trust me, it’ll be worth the adventure. The most wonderful thing about passion is that, with everything else, you achieve gratification only when you get money or a materialistic outcome out of it, but with passion, the journey or the pursuit is the most beautiful. Therefore, even if you don’t receive accolades or worldly recognition, your soul will be content. So don’t grade your passion with the probability of success you can expect out of it. Success is not the bringer of joy when it comes to passion.
Because the pursuit, the process of growing up with what you love beats the high of having a million dollars in your bank account.

The flux of realization

the flux of realization
The flux of realization

I call it “the moment of revelation”. It comes and goes. It is when I feel the most vulnerable. I start to notice everything I don’t usually notice. Say, when I’m in my room, I suddenly begin to see everything work in slow motion. I slowly begin to feel the warmth in my body, my ticking heart, the fan whirring around. I see my shirts slowly sway from their hangers. I don’t usually notice these little things. It makes me feel that something has pulled me into a flux and made me super observant. When I think of my problems in this state, they all seem very trivial. My demons are gone and my soul lurks at its highest inner peace.

It takes a lot to make a boy cry. I get so emotional in this state that some feelings make me want to cry. It happens, as my whole life rewinds in front of me. At the point, a person’s chapter in my life is about to end. I want to run to them and hug them and shake them, “Hey you. Wake up, will you? Remember how amazing we were. You told me you’d stay forever. I love you. I still do and I always will. Now don’t you walk out on me like that”. But these are scenarios that are running in my head and what has ended in life has really ended. As the person’s face slowly fades as I shake them, I cry because I feel helpless. I could do nothing to bring them back.

I am kinder than I usually am, when I’m in this state. I was being unreasonable with my parents in the afternoon. All the tension in life had driven me mad. I really hurt them and I didn’t quite care about it at the time. Now, I want to go to them and tell them how much I love them.

If someone could put a halo upon my head now, I might as well be in competition with angels in terms of empathy and compassion. Because, if something breaks the people I love, it breaks me too now. It is like our neural circuits have binded together in some way. I feel a greater connection with all of them and have a deeper understanding to their pain. My human nature is gone now. I am not jealous nor do I spite anyone. I don’t prioritize myself above everything else in the world.

I get these ominous thoughts, “Death will be upon everyone in some time. Why do we hate then? What pleasure comes out of it? Is it hard not to hate? Is it hard to stay in love? Is it hard to be together?”. Because I’ve seen a lot of friendships and relationships around me and I’ve been a victim of a lot of these relationship fiascos myself. I’ve given people three years, four years, five years, and that is a big part of my little life. I give them my entire heart, spending time raising a bond from scratch to see it all come crashing down one day. We can’t even look each other in the eyes anymore. We can’t be even in the same room anymore. We hide and run from the person, we once run into for comfort. I makes me grind my teeth in despair, “What painful irony is this, life? What is the point you’re trying to make? Are you mocking at how sad and irredeemable human beings are?”

Long story short – If you’ve shared a piece of your heart and soul with someone, keep them. If the relationship is broken, fix it. Fix it, no matter how difficult it is, because it is worth it. Otherwise, you’re just jumping from one base to another, mending the loss of one bond with another, each bond turning out to be superficial and meaning nothing. Because no relationship stays longer than a couple of years, if you are not willing to fight against your issues together instead of fighting with each other.

I know this state makes me sound ridiculously innocent. But aren’t we all deep, deep inside? Aren’t we all yearning for warmth, hugs and kisses? When you’re brimming with tears when you’re hurt and in pain, you’ll see how pure your soul is. That was how you were made. You’ll see the beautiful person that you are, until your mind gets all smudgy again. We call the world a cruel place and make ourselves cold so that we can fit in, don’t we? I wanted to push this message across while I’m still in the flux because my demons will be up and about anytime soon. Then I’ll be human and stuck in the infinite loop of this system again. Life will be all about me again.

The flux of realization, the moment of revelation, as I see it is my angels taking complete control of my body from my demons for a little time to make me realise what life really is. It comes and goes. When it comes, it lets me peep into what really matters, but leaves figuring out how to achieve this magical flux permanently to myself.

So tell me do you feel this way too sometimes?

– Shane

©jacintoshane

Broken people

Broken people

I like talking to broken people. The time, they have completely let their guard down. The time, they’re ripped off their ego, and loathing pride. I like, to see the innocence glaring inside their shy souls. The time, they’re fully exposed. No façades. No fakeness. The soul free of the worldly acquired tags. I like, the sound of their voice, breaking and cracking through every word. Their throat drying up, and stammering after every sentence. Give them your skin, when they’re exposed. Hug away, the chill in their bones. Love them deeply, and they will love you too. They’ll find faith, and see that the world is still beautiful. They’ll find faith in you.

– Shane
©jacintoshane

Take me away

Take me away

Take me away, darling,
Take me away,
I’m tired,
the voices in my head have gotten difficult to talk to,
Take me away, darling,
Take me away,
I’m shivering,
the frozen rage in my blood has seeped into the fractures in my bones,
Take me away, darling,
Take me away,
I’m torn,
the smile in my face has not been able to fill up the hole in my chest,
Take me away, darling,
Take me away,
Make me one of yours,
Wear me beautifully and give me back my soul,
Take me away, darling,
Take me away,
Touch me with your grace,
Rip me off my skeletons and rejuvenate me with your blood,
Take me away, darling,
Take me away,
Remake me as you please,
Save me from my hollowness and expand me into single-celled particles,
Scattering in a fleeting pace,
Escaping this man-made prison,
Take me away, darling,
Take me away from the pain.

– Shane
©jacintoshane

Body and Soul

Body and Soul

After I die,
I wonder how it’d be, when I exist as a soul,
I wonder what it’d be like, when I see my body from the outside,
When I look at the body that served as me when I was a human being, twisted and emotionless; placid in demeanor,
When I look at the eyes that represented my soul, gaze into me impaired of their sight; frozen at death,
When I look at the face that structured my identity when I was a human being, pale and broken; slain as I’m gone,
I wonder what it’d be like, to leave the body that gave me a home; that grew older with me and stayed my lifelong friend,
I wonder what it’d be like, to lose the body that gave me a name; that gave me a voice and followed my every command,
I wonder what it’d be like, to watch the body that gave me life and a form, turn into dust and disappear,
How will I recognize me then?
When I am naked,
When I am faceless,
How will I identify myself without my body?

I’ve been living my life contemplating on how people are temporary,
But it hits me now,
This face, these hands, these legs, this body; all of this is going to go away soon,
I will even have to leave what I recognize as myself today,
The body that I’ve always loved and considered my own, will be pulled apart from me and taken away someday,
I look up in the mirror,
I say, “I love you, you. I think I don’t appreciate you enough”,
I touch my face and feel the life on my cheeks,
The very thought that I’m going to lose this feeling one day, scares me to my very soul,
It hits me now,
And it hits me hard,
That even I am not mine to keep.

Please love your body until it belongs to you.
It is your closest friend, literally and metaphorically.

– Shane
©jacintoshane

We’re not meant to be happy

We’re not meant to be happy

The pores of our skin cover up with smog again,
We live a different life, don’t we,
We don’t belong to the lights, the shimmering incandescence everyone enjoys,
We’re not meant to be happy.

The pain that everyone fears to face, rests in each of our crevasses,
We have terrible fates, don’t we,
We don’t stay with colours for long, the hues that give radiance to each smile, each laughter,
We’re not meant to be happy.

As sunshine creeps into our windows that behold all that is dark and desolate,
Calling each one of them out to play, to go merry about the grandiose of the world, with faces aloft,
We admire the subtle inflections in a bird’s chirp, the glitter on the outside, not for us to caress and embrace,
It is true that we are nothing like the sun, for it is made of the rainbows and the glamour it evokes,
We’re not meant to be happy.

As the moonlight glints in the sky, surrounded by all that is dark and desolate,
Calling each one of us by name,
telling us that we are special and built to endure; the fighters, the dreamers and the artists,
We admire the tiny speck of light buried with darkness galore, grief-stricken and passionate, reminding us of us,
It is true that we’re more like the moon, cursed and beautiful, awake only when night looms, when the feasts have ended,
We’re not meant to be happy.

– Shane
©jacintoshane

What goes around comes around

What goes around comes around
What goes around comes around

An act of being nice and empathetic to someone goes around and comes back to you. Help someone, and you’ll be helped when you’re in need. Encourage someone and you’ll find encouragement through someone when you’re low. Be someone’s shoulder to cry on and you’ll have a shoulder to cry on in return when you feel hurt. It is just that what goes around comes around. This way, all the nice people will grow collectively with their good deeds returned to them. On the other hand, just because you’re a nice person, please don’t be nice to egomaniacs and headstrong bullies because you’re benefitting them with goodness despite the cruelty they radiate. Being treated nice should be the reward for treating someone nice. Don’t allow them to have that kind of pleasantness in their lives. Allow them to have their way and have what they deserve. Let them be jailed in the cell with the hatred they circulate and leave them to dwindle with it. Leave them to break down and then search for kindness by starting to be kind and compassionate. Give them a fate that would lead them to yearn for their redemption at some point. This way, it would only be a matter of time before the world fills with lots of beautiful people.

– Shane
©jacintoshane


Okay

Okay
Okay

Don’t strive to be great,
It is too much pressure to be with,
Strive to be okay,
Tell yourself that being okay is okay,
Okay is enough,
Do what you love and rejoice in your small victories,
Prioritize being happy and making the people around you happy,
You might even look back and realize that even great isn’t as good as okay with its entire ensemble of hearty laughs, reciprocated love and rainy days.

– Shane
©jacintoshane

Happy Endings

Car crashes have me contemplating on happy endings,
The ambitions and dreams and existence of people nullified by a sudden accident,
It brings the realisation of the fragility of the strong loving structures of the living carefully cherished and built with time,
Grand lives snatched by a matter of chance unavoidable by the natural law set in motion,
But I’m sure there is justice done to those taken prematurely by granting the provision of happy endings in other lives in different circumstances, because the universe that birthed such altruistic, virtuous beings that care this much with its essence must have a much richer soul that has the capacity to make it right for everyone in one way or another.

– Shane
©jacintoshane