Passion

Passion

You are you for a reason. Don’t fight it. Embrace it. Every human being is built with a different structure, and have
inherent affinities to different things. When your soul tells you that this is what it loves, allow it to go after it, because the happiness that comes through that is rare and cannot be
replaced by anything else. If you’re passionate towards something but you think that you don’t have what it takes, it’s fine. When you love something so much, you’ll surely get better than most at it, even if you suck at it now. Because, there is a thing about the human soul – it never gets exhausted chasing what it loves. It will show you what you are capable of. Don’t hold it with a leash. Let it wander. Don’t worry that you’ll get lost, trust me, it’ll be worth the adventure. The most wonderful thing about passion is that, with everything else, you achieve gratification only when you get money or a materialistic outcome out of it, but with passion, the journey or the pursuit is the most beautiful. Therefore, even if you don’t receive accolades or worldly recognition, your soul will be content. So don’t grade your passion with the probability of success you can expect out of it. Success is not the bringer of joy when it comes to passion.
Because the pursuit, the process of growing up with what you love beats the high of having a million dollars in your bank account.

The flux of realization

the flux of realization
The flux of realization

I call it “the moment of revelation”. It comes and goes. It is when I feel the most vulnerable. I start to notice everything I don’t usually notice. Say, when I’m in my room, I suddenly begin to see everything work in slow motion. I slowly begin to feel the warmth in my body, my ticking heart, the fan whirring around. I see my shirts slowly sway from their hangers. I don’t usually notice these little things. It makes me feel that something has pulled me into a flux and made me super observant. When I think of my problems in this state, they all seem very trivial. My demons are gone and my soul lurks at its highest inner peace.

It takes a lot to make a boy cry. I get so emotional in this state that some feelings make me want to cry. It happens, as my whole life rewinds in front of me. At the point, a person’s chapter in my life is about to end. I want to run to them and hug them and shake them, “Hey you. Wake up, will you? Remember how amazing we were. You told me you’d stay forever. I love you. I still do and I always will. Now don’t you walk out on me like that”. But these are scenarios that are running in my head and what has ended in life has really ended. As the person’s face slowly fades as I shake them, I cry because I feel helpless. I could do nothing to bring them back.

I am kinder than I usually am, when I’m in this state. I was being unreasonable with my parents in the afternoon. All the tension in life had driven me mad. I really hurt them and I didn’t quite care about it at the time. Now, I want to go to them and tell them how much I love them.

If someone could put a halo upon my head now, I might as well be in competition with angels in terms of empathy and compassion. Because, if something breaks the people I love, it breaks me too now. It is like our neural circuits have binded together in some way. I feel a greater connection with all of them and have a deeper understanding to their pain. My human nature is gone now. I am not jealous nor do I spite anyone. I don’t prioritize myself above everything else in the world.

I get these ominous thoughts, “Death will be upon everyone in some time. Why do we hate then? What pleasure comes out of it? Is it hard not to hate? Is it hard to stay in love? Is it hard to be together?”. Because I’ve seen a lot of friendships and relationships around me and I’ve been a victim of a lot of these relationship fiascos myself. I’ve given people three years, four years, five years, and that is a big part of my little life. I give them my entire heart, spending time raising a bond from scratch to see it all come crashing down one day. We can’t even look each other in the eyes anymore. We can’t be even in the same room anymore. We hide and run from the person, we once run into for comfort. I makes me grind my teeth in despair, “What painful irony is this, life? What is the point you’re trying to make? Are you mocking at how sad and irredeemable human beings are?”

Long story short – If you’ve shared a piece of your heart and soul with someone, keep them. If the relationship is broken, fix it. Fix it, no matter how difficult it is, because it is worth it. Otherwise, you’re just jumping from one base to another, mending the loss of one bond with another, each bond turning out to be superficial and meaning nothing. Because no relationship stays longer than a couple of years, if you are not willing to fight against your issues together instead of fighting with each other.

I know this state makes me sound ridiculously innocent. But aren’t we all deep, deep inside? Aren’t we all yearning for warmth, hugs and kisses? When you’re brimming with tears when you’re hurt and in pain, you’ll see how pure your soul is. That was how you were made. You’ll see the beautiful person that you are, until your mind gets all smudgy again. We call the world a cruel place and make ourselves cold so that we can fit in, don’t we? I wanted to push this message across while I’m still in the flux because my demons will be up and about anytime soon. Then I’ll be human and stuck in the infinite loop of this system again. Life will be all about me again.

The flux of realization, the moment of revelation, as I see it is my angels taking complete control of my body from my demons for a little time to make me realise what life really is. It comes and goes. When it comes, it lets me peep into what really matters, but leaves figuring out how to achieve this magical flux permanently to myself.

So tell me do you feel this way too sometimes?

– Shane

©jacintoshane

Love in a marriage

Love in a marriage

love in a marriage is not all love,
love in a marriage is love and pain,
because when she’s carrying your child,
love changes from pleasure to commitment,
you’ll share the pain to make it easy for her,
your soul by impulse, would throw your body infront if someone were to throw a knife at her,
that is the spectacular evolution of love,
love probably introduced her to you as a girl you couldn’t keep your eyes off of,
you probably fell for her looks or personality, pursuing her for your own happiness,
you probably wanted to hug her, kiss her and take her on a date; the whole thing only done because it kept you in a spell of bliss,
love is an exhilarating visitor, aboard with the most important philosophy,
for soon she makes you sacrifice your joys for her, delivering you a special kind of satisfaction from that,
she’d strangle you with a lot of burden, while you’d gladly take the shackles for her,
love presents herself as a selfish emotion, but turns out to be the most selfless emotion,
as she goes through her phases,
i see no other emotion that makes you want to put someone else’s well being ahead of yours,
to make you take the beating to keep someone safe,
love is a preacher, my friend,
setting the example, as all of the earth people had become cynical with their views,
because your love for her, makes your pain feel like sweet sugar, as though it is some interesting form of pleasure.

– Shane
©jacintoshane

Broken

Broken

You get very close to someone and you break apart into something, worser than strangers. While casual relationships, they are unthreatened. So is the intensity of love, the mistake? With years of trust and love, here you are, despising the very existence of that person, you once adored. So is the cherishing of bonds, the fault? Time is both good and evil. She destroys bonds, like a wildfire ambushing the beautiful greenery. She, then heals the hurt with the days, by drowning the memories to death, slowly. But do the feelings
you dearly instilled for that person, have to really go away?

But wait. You fought for your bond, right? You wanted to protect it, right? And you tried your best, right? Now you’re in a state, that everything about that person hurts you. Let me take you to the other person’s heart. They’re feeling the exact same way. Both of you are exhausted. You just want to escape
this torturing pool of emotions, while fate stands right beside you, waiting to seal the fate of your relationship.

But wait. Both of you aren’t foes. Reminisce the many times, you held each other, from falling apart. The many times, you genuinely cared about each other. So why do I feel this
bitterness, you may ask me. Fate is a master, who pricks in needles to test the contour of every love, she admires. She checks the integrity of every bond deeply etched. She, then sits back, and watches everything unfold.

But wait. Fate isn’t your foe, either. She is brutal, but rewarding. She will shove knives through you, menacingly and if you survive. She will make you feel proud of your scars.


So reach out for each other’s hearts, not each other’s throats, for it’s not a
bad relationship, but just a bad time. And if you could endure
all of it, and reach the other side, together. Fate will stand
smiling at both of you, with raised hands and humility. She
will reward your great bond, with forever. And that is why,
forever is rare. And that is why, forever is special.

– Shane

©jacintoshane

Broken people

Broken people

I like talking to broken people. The time, they have completely let their guard down. The time, they’re ripped off their ego, and loathing pride. I like, to see the innocence glaring inside their shy souls. The time, they’re fully exposed. No façades. No fakeness. The soul free of the worldly acquired tags. I like, the sound of their voice, breaking and cracking through every word. Their throat drying up, and stammering after every sentence. Give them your skin, when they’re exposed. Hug away, the chill in their bones. Love them deeply, and they will love you too. They’ll find faith, and see that the world is still beautiful. They’ll find faith in you.

– Shane
©jacintoshane

Take me away

Take me away

Take me away, darling,
Take me away,
I’m tired,
the voices in my head have gotten difficult to talk to,
Take me away, darling,
Take me away,
I’m shivering,
the frozen rage in my blood has seeped into the fractures in my bones,
Take me away, darling,
Take me away,
I’m torn,
the smile in my face has not been able to fill up the hole in my chest,
Take me away, darling,
Take me away,
Make me one of yours,
Wear me beautifully and give me back my soul,
Take me away, darling,
Take me away,
Touch me with your grace,
Rip me off my skeletons and rejuvenate me with your blood,
Take me away, darling,
Take me away,
Remake me as you please,
Save me from my hollowness and expand me into single-celled particles,
Scattering in a fleeting pace,
Escaping this man-made prison,
Take me away, darling,
Take me away from the pain.

– Shane
©jacintoshane

Body and Soul

Body and Soul

After I die,
I wonder how it’d be, when I exist as a soul,
I wonder what it’d be like, when I see my body from the outside,
When I look at the body that served as me when I was a human being, twisted and emotionless; placid in demeanor,
When I look at the eyes that represented my soul, gaze into me impaired of their sight; frozen at death,
When I look at the face that structured my identity when I was a human being, pale and broken; slain as I’m gone,
I wonder what it’d be like, to leave the body that gave me a home; that grew older with me and stayed my lifelong friend,
I wonder what it’d be like, to lose the body that gave me a name; that gave me a voice and followed my every command,
I wonder what it’d be like, to watch the body that gave me life and a form, turn into dust and disappear,
How will I recognize me then?
When I am naked,
When I am faceless,
How will I identify myself without my body?

I’ve been living my life contemplating on how people are temporary,
But it hits me now,
This face, these hands, these legs, this body; all of this is going to go away soon,
I will even have to leave what I recognize as myself today,
The body that I’ve always loved and considered my own, will be pulled apart from me and taken away someday,
I look up in the mirror,
I say, “I love you, you. I think I don’t appreciate you enough”,
I touch my face and feel the life on my cheeks,
The very thought that I’m going to lose this feeling one day, scares me to my very soul,
It hits me now,
And it hits me hard,
That even I am not mine to keep.

Please love your body until it belongs to you.
It is your closest friend, literally and metaphorically.

– Shane
©jacintoshane

Love made lovers

Love made lovers

Love made lovers. Take love out of the world and there will be none of them left. The integrity of the world will collapse to inhabit zombies that strive only for invention and glory. The mind-blowing skyscrapers and sceneries will stay in place, but none of them will seem adorable to anyone anymore. We will have travelled to galaxies far away but have no one to mourn over the dead anymore. We will have created paradise on earth but have no one to stop and appreciate its beauty for a while. The world will be a complete wreckage while it still might appear flawless to the eye.

Love made lovers. Take love out of the world and there will be none of them left. The beaches will be empty and no one will hold hands by the shore to give the sea a reason to bring waves anymore. The moon will have no teenagers to chat with at night and no one will stay back to cuddle under the sky’s embrace anymore. The birds will fly around singing their regular rhymes and no one will be waiting to listen to the music of nature anymore. The world will be a complete wreckage while it still might appear flawless to the eye. People say that love is overrated and that there are bigger things about life. They say that love distracts the mind into mediocrity and thereby renders it less productive.

But imagine if minds grew stronger to overwhelm hearts someday, we might actually succeed at advancing the planet with exceptional innovations and grandeurs, but it will end up having no soul.

– Shane
©jacintoshane

Hate and Love

Hate and Love

Hate is dark. It grabs all that is starving and makes it, its own. Wild affinities to the empty homes, it takes. But love.
I say, love is light. For even a tiny thread of glow, can throw a sparkle into a death kissed eye. He was empty, after she broke him down. He was powerless, to speak. For it was love that once filled that void in his soul. And I said, hate grabs all that is starving and makes it, its own. And so it did. He rose up, like a tyrant, when he was just a wonderful boy. A sweet innocent boy, on his own now.

He walked up to her. Not as a lover, this time. His fists, throttling with murderous intent. He looked at her, with complete spite. The beautiful girl, he used to carry upon the palm of his hand, like a flower, now at his despisal.

“I missed you”, she confessed in a bedridden voice. The devil crushing his skull died immediately. The hatred smothering with boulders, from behind his teeth, just fell.
And I said love is light, for even a tiny thread of glow can throw a sparkle into a death kissed eye.

“I missed you too”, he confessed, as a tear glistened, proudly, at the corner of his eye, before it dropped. That was
all love needed, and hate never stood a chance.

– Shane
©jacintoshane

We’re not meant to be happy

We’re not meant to be happy

The pores of our skin cover up with smog again,
We live a different life, don’t we,
We don’t belong to the lights, the shimmering incandescence everyone enjoys,
We’re not meant to be happy.

The pain that everyone fears to face, rests in each of our crevasses,
We have terrible fates, don’t we,
We don’t stay with colours for long, the hues that give radiance to each smile, each laughter,
We’re not meant to be happy.

As sunshine creeps into our windows that behold all that is dark and desolate,
Calling each one of them out to play, to go merry about the grandiose of the world, with faces aloft,
We admire the subtle inflections in a bird’s chirp, the glitter on the outside, not for us to caress and embrace,
It is true that we are nothing like the sun, for it is made of the rainbows and the glamour it evokes,
We’re not meant to be happy.

As the moonlight glints in the sky, surrounded by all that is dark and desolate,
Calling each one of us by name,
telling us that we are special and built to endure; the fighters, the dreamers and the artists,
We admire the tiny speck of light buried with darkness galore, grief-stricken and passionate, reminding us of us,
It is true that we’re more like the moon, cursed and beautiful, awake only when night looms, when the feasts have ended,
We’re not meant to be happy.

– Shane
©jacintoshane